Livin' on a prayer.

So, I think in a post a while back I shared that I wanted to write about a couple of things just for the sake of writing them down. I think it is so good to have spiritual markers but sometimes I have a hard time making the thoughts in my head something coherent for the blog. Anyway, I am going to try. If I ever print this out one day, I'll be glad I put these stories in alongside all the fun pictures of my family!

I think if there is one thing that Evan and I can say we have learned in the last four years (well, really, since we've been married...I think it's just been tested more in the last four!) is that God is faithful. He can be trusted. With anything. I am convinced that we ALL have struggles and problems and things to deal with in life, but the REAL answer is the same: trust Christ. We so often want to look for answers in other places...people, relationships, escape mechanisms, whatever...those things are just quick fixes that don't last. Christ is the answer. That is it. HE brings hope and joy and peace.

The last year we were in Louisville, Evan and I literally lived on a prayer. I quit teaching and looked for work and had one door closed after another. It was a very discouraging time for me, even though looking back I can see that was the Lord's way of showing me I needed to be at home full time. Evan took the job with AT&T, and from the very beginning it was difficult. Sales is NOT Evan's thing. We were preparing for another baby and every time we turned around something was breaking and costing $$$ to fix. We sucked away what little savings we had very quickly. Truly one of the scariest places I'd ever been. And, I didn't understand. I felt like Evan and I are pretty good stewards of what God has given us. Sure, we've made some impulsive purchases and decisions (Hello, Toyota MR2!) but for the most part, we aren't just blowing and going all the time. Honestly, it's like I felt like the Lord owed financial ease to us because we do right.

Last summer, I became very convicted of my attitude. Through many tears and much conversation with Evan, I was reminded that God doesn't owe me anything! He sent His son to die on the cross and that is enough. I just need to trust Him in any and every situation, even if it is one that I feel is difficult or hard to process. The cross is enough and I need to seek it daily.

Wouldn't it be great if the story ended here with me saying that my attitude changed, everything quit breaking, and we unexpectedly received a lump sum of money and everything is fine and dandy? Well, that's not how the story goes. And, you know what? I am glad. I wouldn't trade these lessons for anything!

In October, just as we were getting ready to move back to Arkansas our A/C unit in our house quit working and we had to replace it. At that point, we also had to make the decision about renting our house or putting it up for sale. Then, my appendix ruptured at a time when we were having some SERIOUS health insurance issues, leaving us wondering how much a surgery and 5 day hospital stay was going to cost. If that weren't enough, we leave Louisville with what we thought was the better vehicle of the two (for lack of a better word) crappy ones we had, only to have that vehicle bite the dust two days before our trip to Fayetteville for Christmas. So, at Christmas this last year, we were living with another family AND borrowing a vehicle. We were literally homeless and vehicle-less!

Colossians 1:17 became one of my favorite verses last year. It says, "He is before all things and in Him all things hold together." I had to constantly lean on the fact that God knew ALL of these struggles were going to happen and he had a plan to work it out. It was NOT easy.

How has the Lord worked things out for us? Well, Evan and I were able to borrow a vehicle from my grandfather. He still had two vehicles after my Mamaw's passing, and he graciously let us borrow his minivan for about three months, until Evan was able to get his title search business up and going. We also were able to purchase the van from my grandfather because he was ready to sell it anyway. I'll be completely honest here...I REALLY struggled with this! I DID NOT want to drive a van!!! NOT AT ALL! We tried EVERY WAY we could think of for our family car to be something else, but in the end, the  most practical thing was for us to purchase the van. This is pretty vain, but I am constantly reminding myself that my worth is not in what I drive. :) The fact that Kendall thinks the van is the coolest thing ever helps a LOT!

So, that got us to one working vehicle, but we still had a huge problem because Evan's title search business requires driving. Whenever he was out doing search work, the girls and I were left stranded at the apartment. I was trying to make the best of if and not be too discouraged, but our apartment is literally in the middle of a field! I would go two-three days without being out of the house. It was hard! One day, the girls and I traveled with Evan and spent some time at the library while he worked. When we came home, he started searching on Craigslist for cars...some kind of little beater with good gas mileage that we could pay cash. I expressed my concern for that being impulsive...we still hadn't received all the bills from my appendectomy and our budget had JUST become stable again. He agreed and shut the computer. No joke, five minutes after I shut the computer, some of our dearest friends called because they were getting ready to go pick up a new family car, and wanted to GIVE us their old one. It was crazy because it wasn't like we had really talked about our one-vehicle issue with these friends a lot...they just knew, and the wife knew I was struggling with driving a mini-van. =)

So, that is how the Lord allowed us to become a two car family again. I am so thankful.

Not the end of the story yet...after months and months of talking with the doctor's offices, filling out paperwork, waiting, and praying...we finally received our final doctor bill from my appendectomy. The total cost was close to $20,000. Our final bills from the surgeon, hospital, and anesthesiologist ended up right at $1,000. Incredible. I literally burst into tears when Evan brought in the mail that day.

I don't have any idea what is going to happen tomorrow. Our renter may decide to not pay, we may have another vehicle problem, or one of my children may get very sick. What I DO know is that God is faithful and I am choosing to trust Him always.

Taste and see that the LORD is good;

blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.

Fear the LORD, you his saints,

for those who fear him lack nothing.

The lions may grow weak and hungry,

but those who fear the LORD lack no good thing.

Psalm 34:8-10