Learning and Growing

I'm trying to gear myself up/pray about an internet fast. I'm not sure how it's going to work out, being that I'm the one in charge of giving inquiring minds new info on my mom's condition. I just know that the one thing that is a hinders me from really digging into God's word is the time I spend messing around on the computer after Kendall goes to bed.

I begin with that just because, obviously, I've gone through a roller-coaster of emotions this last week, and the journey is only beginning. Evan and I had some great conversation last night about everything that is going on with my mom/my emotions and feelings towards it all and more. The one thing I know is that through this, God wants me to KNOW HIM. Not just know ABOUT Him, learn some new lesson or have an "a-ha" moment, but truly KNOW HIM. I'm determined that I can't miss out. I just can't.

I mentioned not too long ago about my quiet time (or lack thereof) and how I couldn't seem to spend consistent time in God's Word since finishing up the last bible study. I'm not sure why, but I've never been very good at just sitting down, opening up the bible and reading it. I am just one of those people that needs structure or some sort of a guide. But I really LONG to be a person (like my hubby) who can just sit down, open up God's word and read. Sometimes I feel like I'm just not smart enough to do it on my own. Sometimes I just feel like I go to the same places over and over...Psalm, James, the Gospels, Genesis 22. Other times I feel like I don't read things the way they are written or intended. Really, those are all just excuses and Satan's attempt (sadly, victorious) at keeping me from reading God's word. I've realized,though, that if I will make the effort to read the Bible, God will bless that effort. He will reveal to me places I need to turn or books I need to read. He will give me the wisdom and understanding, if I will just do it.

Last Monday evening, after we got word about my mom needing the transplants, I sat down with God. It was HORRIBLY late, but I couldn't sleep. I just talked to Him, wrote in my journal and then I turned to a comfort passage, Romans 8:28. The verse says, "And we know that in all things God works together for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Usually, I read on to the end of the chapter, where it talks about "God being for us," how he "spared his own son" and "that nothing can separate us from the love of Christ." That night, however, I stopped reading after verse 28 and decided I wanted to know more about what God said about "working together for good." I went to the cross-references (you know, the tiny writing in the middle of the columns) and wrote down all the verses that were cross referenced to verse 28. I've been reading through those the last few nights and God is revealing Himself to me. I'm learning things that I've always believed as truth, but now I KNOW it's written in scripture. At this time, while my mom is so ill and the future is so uncertain, I need to know WHO GOD IS more than anything else.

I know this is getting long (for those of you who have stuck with me!) but I really wanted to throw in this one passage that just keeps screaming at me. It's in Hebrews.

Hebrews 6:13-20 (NIV) says the following:

When God made his promise to Abraham, since there was no one greater for him to swear by, he swore by himself, saying, "I will surely bless you and give you many descendants."And so after waiting patiently, Abraham received what was promised. Men swear by someone greater than themselves, and the oath confirms what is said and puts an end to all argument. Because God wanted to make the unchanging nature of his purpose very clear to the heirs of what was promised, he confirmed it with an oath. God did this so that, by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope offered to us may be greatly encouraged. We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where Jesus, who went before us, has entered on our behalf. He has become a high priest forever, in the order of Melchizedek.

First, I just want to point out how big God is. When the promise was made to Abraham, God swore by himself. God couldn't swear by anyone else, because there was nothing bigger to swear by. What happened? Abraham received what was promised and was blessed with many descendants.

Next, right here in scripture it says that God's nature is UNCHANGING and it's impossible for Him to lie. In a world where things are in constant change and lie after lie is told, I'm so thankful that I can trust in God's unchanging nature and know that he will never lie to me. He will never break a promise or promise something He can't fulfill.

Last, God is HOPE. He is an anchor that is FIRM and SECURE. I don't know what tomorrow holds for my family, but I know that I can trust in the promises and truth of God's word.

If you don't hear from me via this blog for a while, just know that I'm taking some time to get rid of some distractions. I'll be back. I'm sure I'll have lots to share!